Dating in the 21st century is an interesting whirlwind of events regardless of your gender, sexuality or appearance. However, as a fat person, I have experienced my fair share of irritating situations that I’m sure others can relate to. Online dating is both good and bad in equal measure, you get the chance to meet some amazing people you may not have otherwise, however it also brings you in to contact with the Worlds Most Terrible People. Especially if you’re fat. Here are some people you may well encounter on your dating journey:
1.The guy who expects you to be grateful for any attention
This guy will begin the conversation with some uncomfortable compliments or inappropriate, unsolicited comments about your body, and when you don’t react with absolute glee, he’ll suddenly decides he hates fat people and that actually you’re not good enough for him. These people are also known as tiny little children who cannot handle any rejection whatsoever. Luckily they usually reveal themselves very early in to the process, but not before they have a chance to call you some shitty names.
2.The one who is embarrassed about you
I like to refer to these people as “those who are happy to fuck, but not cuff”. These people can be great to date, if you don’t like sunlight, interaction with other humans, or being contacted before 2am. People who are cowards in the face of a culture of fatphobia, but who want to enjoy your company in the most selfish way. It can take some time to figure out whether a person is like this, but as a general rule, if someone doesn’t want to be seen with you: run a fucking mile.
3. “I’ve always wanted to shag a fat bird”
These people are overt in their fetishism of fat bodies. Not only is it dehumanising to be referred to by your body type by someone who doesn’t know anything about you, but this type of personal can also comfortably turn in to the guy who expects you to be grateful for attention. Be careful, as this person will transform in to NiceGuy2000 at the drop of a fedora. Another one to avoid.
4.The one who won’t confront your fatness
While this person may have the best intentions, hearing “you’re not fat” when you are most definitely fat reinforces the idea that fatness is inherently bad. Its not by the way. Most of the time, they’re trying to not hurt your feelings, however the probability that they aren’t comfortable with your body is very high. They may even evolve in to the next person on our list.
5. The guy who tries to change you
This guy might seem like the perfect person. You may have been dating for a while, you might have met their friends and things may be looking really positive. This particular person however is insidious, they don’t compliment your body, they “recommend” food for you to eat and clothes that you should wear. Frankly, if someone tries to change you without your express consent, they’re trash.
6. The decent human being
If you’re not used to the world of online dating, it may seem all doom and gloom existing as a fat person online. If you persevere, you may well come in to contact with the elusive “decent human being who can appreciate your body as well as your personality”. These people are mostly worth your time.
Most importantly however, despite how any of the people you come in to contact with online try to make you feel, what actually matters is how you feel about yourself. Please remember that while relationships and sex can be amazing, your worth isn’t tied to whether or not someone deems you fuckable, and that you are an amazing shiny person with a million great things going on. Remember: fatness isn’t bad, having a partner isn’t the be all and end all, and fuck people who try to make you feel bad about yourself.